if you dare come a little closer

I heard a girl once, shouting across the room in the train.Screaming. Screaming,so loud into her phone, that you could barely think.

"You cheated on me! You cheated!How could you?How could you betray us? How could you betray ME?"

"I loved you! I LOVE you! I gave you everything."

"I gave you...everything"

In that moment,it was not pity that overcame me, but disgust. It made me think,How could she?- a beautiful soul, a majestic being, allow HeThatWalksOnTwoLegs to have so much control over her. I thought to myself, how could a girl so beautiful, a girl so strong, a leader allow a man with no plan to lead her. I couldn't understand or fathom how devastated she let that useless betrayer define her life. And so i said to myself, that i would never let any being let alone a man ever control my emotions. Never.Ever.

I promised myself that I would be heartless.Merciless.Completely ruthless. Captivating every soul that came close to me. I was to be a fortress,with walls so high that no one could climb them. A rock, so solid that nothing could shake me. And yet here I am, sitting on the train,wandering why he wont text me.

You know the funny thing about 'Like' is that is consumes you . Just when you think you are content with being single then he walks around bashfully masquerading his beautiful smile.Oh that smile! He struts gracefully flaunting his wide strong chest begging for your attention.Your insides turn warm and moist with that all-to-familiar mushiness. You can't breathe.You can't think of nothing but him. The way he smiles. The way he holds you. His breath.Everything becomes about him. So you drop your pen, kick your feet on the table and let yourself think. What would it be like if we had children together? What would they look like? How would it feel for him to put a ring on that finger? How would it feel to have a forever?

The train stops, bringing my attention back to the notifications on my phone. Still no text message. I check my Instagram direct messages. Still nothing. "Maybe twitter", i think to myself. Nothing. Finally, i bring myself to check my Snapchat and there is it loud and clear. The message. Not the one i wanted, but still a message. A bold statement. I do not want to talk to you. The empty triangle.HE LEFT ME ON READ. I conceal my disappointment turning my head back to the pink journal sprawled carelessly on the hard cubicle desk on the Trinity Railway Express.My disappointments quickly fade as i swipe a little too excitedly through my Tinder messages, scribbling each guys name illegibly in my journal as i go.Caleb with the red hair is on Monday. Paul with the Kinks comes right after, providing the professor releases me early from English Lit. Dashing James,an exception to the rule, has the majority of Wednesday to himself.Sweet. sweet.James.I refuse to confirm or deny any theories about the time allocated to sweet James but you are free to know that I may have been highly motivated by the blushing red corvette that splashes his Instagram story. Do not judge me. My morals are somewhat twisted and a little different to yours, besides, nothing screams 'danger' more loudly than the internet presence of a trust fund baby or the bulging zero's of his fathers off shore Cayman's account. Perhaps i should add Phillip on for the weekend. His wife Suzie is off in Paris, doing who knows What with her aristocratic friends. He is a fairly attractive old man with an insatiable appetite for whisky, an extravagant lifestyle and above all Bantu women. His overbearing optimism and corny jokes usually annoy me to the brim but its almost the end of the month and hopefully you know what that means.Rent.Tuition.And more urgently,I'm short on bus money and besides its not like Phillip to not pamper his favorite mistress.

The train stops again letting in a crisp middle aged gentleman.He

trails in slowly towards the car i am sitting in as he looks for an empty seat.He ruffles his copper blond hair vigorously in frustration as the train jerks violently pushing him to the hard floor besides my feet.I freeze.Do i get up and offer to help?Or do i just let his royal gorgeousness lie stylishly on the ground. I have never met someone who lands gracefully after an embarrassing fall on a train.Perhaps, i need to start driving to distract myself from oogling grown men in public because i was evidently drooling on the contents of his briefcase. Giving up, i let my mind wander.His presence dilutes then slowly rushes and dominates my thoughts. I start to daydream. This time,I put his face in place of the stranger and i start to imagine our coral pink beach wedding. Vera Wang gown.Check. Salvatore Ferragamo fragrance. Check. Bouncing Malaysian Hair by InsertInstagramHairShop. Check.I don't get far into my wedding checklist when suddenly I think of his searching baby blue eyes when he may now kiss the bride.The feeling of euphoria that will overwhelm me as he gently presses his plump pink lips on mine in a delicate embrace of "i do". Mrs Him. AnnaBeth Him. It sounded just so right.I could definitely get used to the way his name rolls of my tongue.Of course, I didn't actually know his name just yet but how did that matter. That was just a slight minor inconvenience. All that mattered is that I would be his,belong entirely to him and him alone. Just Him.

I subconsciously swirl the clear plastic straw in my Strawberry Acai with my finger, grinning foolishly to my fantasy.I suddenly feel a harsh tug at my Uggs.I sharply gasp in annoyance, letting in a stream of cold air in my lungs.Charged and loaded with anger, i turn my head swiftly to my feet.A checkered red and black scarf is tangled at my feet."My scarf" he bellows rudely. His gaze is cold,steady, showing little or no expression.I sink back into my chair,folding my arms high on my chest like a three year old throwing a tantrum.His eyes frown in puzzlement before breaking into an effortless grin. I melt further into my seat. Our eyes lock in a deadly duel. I smile.

"Keep it" he says jokingly. Oh i intend to Mr Him.

"Abel" he says extending his arms to reach me.

"Beth.AnnaBeth" i responded as i gathered my belongings and got off the train.