Confession 1: Second-class lover
Why do I try to hide These feelings deep inside? But tonight seems too long To live this life, all alone
Westlife-Open Wide
The prequel
Key
ML:My lover
FR:Friend
FR:she Pretty?
ML-Cute, but i wouldn't say pretty.
FR:she thick?
ML-Yo, that booty is massive! I would definitely smash that ass
FR:she smart?
ML-Does that even matter bro? That's a dumb question,but she is one of them nerds though.Always at the library type shit. You know those kind of girls right? But she got a finnnnnnnnne ass body. I definitely have to smash
FR:That's wild bro! do you know if she's talking to someone?
ML-Nahhhh. I don't think so. Who would want to date her? The fuck.
FR:So what exactly are you messing with her for.Damn?
ML-I don't know.Just want to mess around with her for a bit until i get bored or something. So maybe a couple weeks to a month then i bounce.
FR:That's my man!Play on Player!Better not let Jay-lee catch you again though otherwise you're dead/
ML- Jay-lee is my ride or die,she will never leave me.You know I love that girl but I can't help it if the ladies love me. I'm not leaving my girlfriend for no library girl.Five years is not a joke.Me and my baby have been through so much together.
FR: Hmmm,sure you do!Can't hate the player right? Alright man, you know the drill, pass her my way when you're done.I could do with a little distraction.
ML-You know i got you bro.Always.
_______________________________
Second place
Second choice
Second-class lover
Have you ever heard the quote " Always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
Me too.
I have definitely heard of that one one too any times thanks to every low budget Netflix Rom com.
Have you ever heard of this quote "Never quite friend, always the side-chick but never the girlfriend" ?
Yes?
No?
If you said yes i know you are lying cause i just made it up.
Gotcha.
You lying little skank.
Fucking liars
What is it, with you guys and all the damn lies ?
Got me feeling all types of special, all for what?
"Baby I love you"
"Please don't leave me"
"I can't live without you"
You see, what i don't understand is how i got here?
How did i go from being an independent goal oriented woman to a being needy helpless dog constantly seeking approval from its master?
"Does he love me ?"
"Why wont he text me back?"
"Maybe she is just a co-worker"
"I can make him change"
Do i really hate myself so much that i would allow myself to become someone's extra curricular activity. A glorified booty call.Sex. A girl: eager to please, always waiting, waiting for him to give me one second of his attention as if his approval is the very air i need to survive.
Pretty but not pretty enough,
Thick but a little too thick
Smart but a little too opinionated
When will i ever be enough ? When will i ever please you ? When will you ever love me? Just love me please.Just once. Take my pain away. I'm begging you.
I continuously ask myself why i choose to stay and the irony in all of this is that i always mocked and criticized woman who always stayed. "Weak bitches" i always said to myself "If it were me, i would leave"and you already know where this is going. I stayed.I'm staying. I'll wait.I'm Waiting.Because how else can i define myself if not with you. I am nothing. Absolutely.Fucking. Nothing.Maybe except late at night when Somebody needs me.A.Piece.Of.Ass. My entire existence in four words.So before you judge me,do you see why i stay?
OK. Maybe you don't see it yet but there is hope, just a little but its there. Hope that maybe one day i may just make the cut and be promoted to be just your lover.Just then i can to be yours and you to be mine. I'll have someone. I'll have a title. I'll have a purpose.No one needn't know the truth.